The Spark Is a Skill

In our last issue, we explored what happens when two people are competing for one seat during an acquisition. This week, I want to talk about a different kind of competition, the one you have with yourself to become better.

If you know me, you know I am a fan of a good metaphor. I have used ducks on a lake, Miranda Priestly, and tulips in the garden to make a point about leadership. This week, my inspiration came from an unexpected place: the season finale of Survivor Season 50.

Glimmer of Inspiration ✨

I recently watched the season finale of Survivor 50, and one moment has been living in my head ever since.

The final three stood before the jury to plead their case. All of them were returning players. They had been on the show before, lost, and came back. What struck me was how each of them spoke about coming back with intention. They had each identified a specific area where they needed to grow, and they had done the work to close that gap.

One player had been eliminated in a previous season because he could not make fire. That single skill gap cost him everything. So he went home and he practiced. When he came back this season, he could make fire in five seconds. That skill got him to the final three.

Five seconds. A skill that once ended his game became the reason he was still in it.

Lightbulb Moment 💡

As I sat there watching, I thought: this is exactly how emotional intelligence works.

We treat EQ like it is some mysterious quality that people either have or they do not. We say things like “she’s just naturally good with people” or “he’s not really a people person” as if it is hardwired. But it is not. Emotional intelligence is a skill, and like any skill, it can be learned, practiced, and built.

That player did not wake up one day and suddenly knew how to make fire. He studied it. He practiced the mechanics until his hands could do it without thinking. He turned a weakness into a strength through repetition and intention.

The same is true for reading a room, managing your reactions, giving difficult feedback, or building trust with someone who sees the world differently than you do.

You do not need a natural gift for it. You need the willingness to identify the gap and the discipline to close it.

Shine Brighter: Your Growth Challenge 🚀

Think of emotional intelligence as your fire-making kit. Here are three ways to start building the skill this week:

• Name one gap.

What is the interpersonal moment that trips you up most? Is it staying calm when challenged? Speaking up in a room full of senior leaders? Giving feedback without softening it into oblivion? Pick one.

• Practice in low-stakes settings.

The Survivor player did not wait until the finale to try making fire. He practiced at home, over and over. Find a conversation, a meeting, or an interaction this week where you can deliberately practice your one thing without the pressure of a high-stakes outcome.

• Get a mirror, not just a cheerleader.

Self-awareness has a ceiling when you are working alone. A leadership coach can help you see the patterns you cannot see yourself: the tone you do not notice, the habits that quietly hold you back, the gap between how you think you show up and how others actually experience you. That outside perspective is often what turns good intentions into lasting change.

A Final Spark ✨

Here is the part that I want to leave you with. That player did not need a title or a special advantage to practice fire-making. He did it on his own time, away from the game, because he decided it mattered.

The same goes for emotional intelligence. You do not need a management title to start building it. You do not need permission from your organization. You do not need to wait for a leadership development program to be offered.

You just need to decide that the skill matters enough to practice.

Whether you are an individual contributor, a team lead, or a founder building something from scratch, emotional intelligence is the fire that keeps you in the game. And the best part? Unlike Survivor, no one gets voted off for trying to get better.

What is the one leadership skill you have been meaning to work on? I would love to hear what your “fire-making” equivalent is in the comments.

Here’s to finding your spark and letting it shine.

Karen.